colter's birth story

hey guys, so this is my first blog post in 10 months! wow. anywho, two weeks ago i gave birth to my second son and thought i should maybe share our birth story. its quite long and kinda personal but i think some people might enjoy it and its good to write down anyway, so here we go.

the (lengthy) back story:

i guess i need to start back at when i was pregnant with ezra. i hadn't really educated myself on birthing options, i took no classes, i sought no advice. i showed up at the office of my OB/GYN on ezra's "due date" and he checked me. i was not dilated at all and i broke down crying (though i now know that checking the cervix isn't a good indicator of when you will go into labor) when my doctor told me that my options were to wait a week and get induced but still have a good chance of having a c-section with an induction. after i cried, he offered that i could just schedule a c-section instead, considering my baby would probably be big and that my pelvis is small. so given those options, i opted for the c-section which we did two days later. 

after ezra's birth i started thinking about having another baby in the future, and i was determined this time to educate myself about childbirth. i watched netflix documentaries (yes, the business of being born) and spent hours researching online. having had a c-section before, i wasn't sure my options. could i attempt a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean)? i was pretty excited to learn that for normal pregnancies a VBAC is actually safer than a repeat c-section. i went back to my same doctor who said i had the choice of a repeat C or trying for a VBAC. so my pregnancy progressed, and everything was going well. i was healthy, baby was healthy, and we were greatly anticipating his arrival. 

through my research i found that natural childbirth was a really great option. i loved how women's bodies are made to give birth and i felt that there is no reason i shouldn't be able to try for that. though i was kind of terrified. we hear so many horror stories about birth (and yes, some are actually very horrific) but i also decided i couldn't live in fear and make decisions based on fear.  

i had heard about using hypnosis for childbirth and thought it was at least something to look into. i found there are two programs that use hypnosis for childbirth: hypnobabies and hypnobirthing. from what i read, hypnobabies was a more complete childbirth education course and so i took a leap of faith and signed us up for the six week program. i was a little apprehensive about the whole thing, "hypnosis" sounds weird voodoo-y and not something i would typically see myself doing. come to find out, it wasn't weird at all. its basically teaching yourself deep relaxation, controlling your body and your muscles with your mind. i know a lot of you are probably really curious about it because whenever i told people what class i was taking i could tell people thought i was crazy. my mom was really worried it was like those comedy hypnosis shows because "you never want to give up control to someone!". :) but come to find out, you can't really be "hypnotized" unless you want to be, and so the program only worked if i worked really hard to relax. i can't just turn on a hypnosis track and be "hypnotized". if you're curious about how it works, go to hypnobabies.com. i'm not the best at explaining it. but it was something i worked on daily for like half my pregnancy. one thing i really liked about the program was it covered everything a regular childbirth education course would cover as well and i attribute my success (spoiler alert!) to the whole program, not just the hypnosis part. 

my biggest fear/worry about this pregnancy was that i wouldn't be able to go into labor on my own. my mom and my sister don't have the best track record for going into labor on their own, at least not "on time". and with a VBAC, my OB didn't want to induce me. it was either go into labor or have a c-section. at 34 weeks, my husband got a new job and along with that, new insurance. suddenly my doctor was not a covered provider and i had to find someone else. i had read a lot about how much your provider matters to give you the birthing you want. i have had sisters in law deliver their babies with certified nurse midwives and i had actually thought about switching to one earlier in this pregnancy but chickened out. i didn't want to deal with the hassle and was unsure if they even worked with VBAC. so when i was forced to switch, i made my appointment with central utah clinic women's center, a group made of CNMs and OB/GYNs. my first appointment could not have gone better. i had the best feeling after meeting with one of the CNMs and knew that i had made the right decision. she was very supportive and encouraging, yet realistic about the challenge of VBAC. our values just seemed to align so well and i felt that she was on my side where a lot of times with my OB i felt like i really had to fight for myself a lot more. 

[a note on CNM vs. OB/GYN:] having delivered with both types of provider, i will say that i am so thankful we have talented OBs in our society with the skills and technology necessary to help women deliver their babies who would otherwise be unable. i do feel, however, that it is overkill to see an OB for a normal, low-risk pregnancy. for me, i felt it made much more sense to see a CNM. CNMs can do pretty much everything an OB can do except for a cesarean and they are just experts at helping women deliver babies, plus, they typically stay with the laboring woman the entire time she is in labor at the hospital, where OBs usually only stop in every once in a while and then come to catch the baby.

how it all went down:

i prepared myself for this delivery in more ways than just using the hypnobabies program (which included guidelines on diet, exercise, visualization, positive pregnancy affirmations). a CNM at my clinic suggested i take borage oil supplements when i asked her about taking evening primrose oil for cervical ripening. there is no way of knowing what effect the borage oil could've actually had on my cervix, and i never had my cervix checked at my appointments (just to reduce risk of infection and it is also kind of pointless information, as it won't really tell you when you will go into labor) but i do know that my waters broke at 11pm on my due date and kicked labor into high gear. i was SHOCKED. (side note: it was minutes after i had said a prayer that my baby would come in his own time, when he was ready, and that everything would go well. talk about answered prayers!) never thought that would happen to me, as only about 10% of women have their water break randomly before they are in active labor. but that was the case with me! i had actually pictured my labor starting slow and going on for quite a while, slowly building up. but after my water broke it was only about an hour before my contractions were less than 3 minutes apart and VERY intense. i wasn't prepared for how quickly my labor became so intense. 

at about 12:30 am i woke justin up and told him my water had broke and that it was time to go to the hospital (after calling the CNM on call and following her instructions). we hurried and got all our things together, packed ez in the car, and sped to the hospital. and my contractions were very intense. things happened so fast that i didn't even have time to relax or listen to a hypnobabies track or anything that i should have been doing to stay calm and centered during my birthing time. my mom met us at the hospital to take ezra to her house and i stumbled into the women's center at timpanogos regional hospital without putting my shoes on, and partially collapsing when a contraction would hit. i was in the zone. 

at the check in desk i was in no state to chat with the nurses. justin had to respond for me, and when they asked if i was going to have a natural birth he answered yes (so they gave me the room with the tub) and suddenly i was kind of panicked. what was i thinking? what had i signed up for? it was going to be super embarrassing when i ended up not being able to have a natural birth! but i had to push that aside for the moment because i was having some very intense contractions that gave me the worst back pain i'd ever experienced. i got to my room, changed into the ugly hospital gown without complaint, and impatiently waited for the nurses to do their stuff. 

when discussing VBAC with my providers, they all told me i would have to have continuous fetal monitoring and IV access during labor and i was kind of displeased with that, but once i was at the hospital and in labor, i couldn't care less what they were hooking me up to. i was a little busy at the moment. and honestly, those things didn't bother me at all.

they checked my progress at about 1 am and i was 3.5 cm and fully effaced. even though i was in labor i was surprised to hear that i had actually made progress. so i wasn't broken after all! who knew?? my dear CNM showed up after that and checked me at about 2 am before i got into the tub. i was a 5! woohoo! she also asked us if we had taken any childbirth classes and justin told her hypnobabies and right away she knew everything to say and do to help me to use my hypnosis. once in the tub, i remember saying "i don't want to do this anymore. i want the epidural" and neither my CNM nor justin responded to me, lol. she just continued to try to make me more comfortable and said all the right things to help me relax. at first i didn't want to listen to her because i was so focused on the pain. during one contraction it was so intense that i decided i would really try to relax the muscles that were causing me pain, just to see. i used my hypnosis techniques and for a moment the pain was relieved. i was amazed! and trust me it took a lot of concentration but once i was able to fully relax and go deep in my hypnosis, i literally felt no more of the intense pain i had felt before, and all i felt was pressure. just like it is supposed to go in the hypnobabies program. i couldn't believe it was actually working. there were a few times where i must have had a contraction but i seriously wondered to myself if i had because it was so mild where before they had been so intense. justin swears i fell so deep into hypnosis that i was actually almost asleep because i didn't answer when they tried to talk to me. the other things i did to help manage the pain was my body position: i knelt in the tub and leaned against the side of it with my arms folded and my head on my arms. each time i had a contraction i had my CNM and justin switch off applying counter pressure on my lower back where it was really hurting. and together, we labored with me in the tub until 4 pm when i started feeling the urge to push during the contractions. she checked me again and i think i was around an 8.5 ish and since water birth is not yet allowed in hospitals in utah, we moved me to the bed. they lowered the bottom half of the bed so that i could kneel on it and be in the same position i was in in the tub, which was really the only position i could stand to be in. i was able to rest my upper body on the upper part of the bed, and dig my head into the upright part of the bed. 

at this point i could not believe how quickly everything was happening. i had only gotten here at 1 am and it was only 4 and i was already starting to want to push. my CNM said baby would be here within an hour. i was still in disbelief. the lights were low in the room, i had my hypnobabies playing in the background (and my sweet CNM would play the appropriate track for whatever stage i was in, which helped relax me more), and my eyes were closed 90% of the time. like my midwife said later, i was in the zone. i had no idea who was in the room or what anybody else was doing, or what i looked like, i was a laboring mama. (not to be confused with being so out of it i didn't know what was going on, like i was "hypnotized" or something. i was aware of things but chose to shut them out to be able to focus on staying deeply relaxed, though i did communicate my needs when i needed to, like yelling at justin for not applying pressure in the exact right spot i needed it, sorry babe!)

it was about 5 am and i knew i was close. my midwife had told me that she could see baby's hair and i was 1) surprised by baby had hair and 2) surprised i was that close. pushing provided a huge sense of relief because at that point, its all your body wants to do and it feels good to do it even though it is intense. at one point i remember them saying baby's heart rate had dropped a little so they attached an internal monitor to his head instead of just relying on the monitors around my belly and that was the last i heard of any sign of trouble. at some point they gave me oxygen to suck on during the pushing and that was so great. i was squeezing justin's fingers (and i'm surprised i didn't break them) and i remember praying at this point for the strength to deliver my baby into this world. i was completely humbled and knew i would need His help to finish this thing. one more big push and OH MY GOSH, a baby!

it was the most amazing feeling i had ever felt. first, just feeling a body slide out of me, knowing i had done it without medical intervention and pretty much on my own, and the immediate sense of relief at not needing to push any more. hearing his first cries, being too exhausted to turn around and see him, it was a magical moment. that's really all i can describe it as. everything i had worked so hard for the past nine months finally coming to a dramatic close, in a very undramatic, natural, easy way. 

they gave me some pitocin to help deliver the placenta which came quickly and then it was some stitches as i had a second degree tear. but hey, my alternative was a five inch incision into my abs so yeah, i can handle a few stitches! though they weren't very fun. laying there, wide open, legs apart, while someone takes a needle to you. it was hard to lay and just let myself be like that, so it took a little while. i had planned on having baby handed to me right after birth but i was in no way ready to do that and was perfectly fine sipping on oxygen and regaining my composure before i held him. justin got to record him being wiped down, weighed, measured, and wrapped up before they handed him to me about twenty minutes later. (i was quite exhausted from no sleep and having just delivered a baby and really was just happy he was healthy and wasn't in any rush to hold him right away as i thought i would be). when i did hold him, it was so amazing. i fell in love right away.

and after some lovely skin to skin contact and a very long nursing time, i was able to walk to the bathroom on my own (woohoo!) and took some pictures while they checked on baby. (birth stories are so beautiful and provide the opportunity for some really amazing images, it makes me want to photograph them all the time and i wish i could've photographed my own baby's birth, justin just didn't do a lot of that... :)).  

       colter justin sorenson

february 26, 2013

5:07 am

8 lbs 3 oz

21.5 inches

so he was born. a perfect, beautiful, healthy baby boy. he was born naturally, and with lots of love. i am so proud of myself. for the decisions i made this time around, for trusting my instincts and following the best path i could find even when i didn't have a lot of support from others. i never thought i could do this. i never thought i could give birth this way, my way, just the way i wanted it. i am so thankful to my dear husband for supporting my decisions, letting me choose what i wanted to do, taking the hypnobabies classes with me, and loving me through it all. i am thankful kathryn was the on-call CNM, that she was so well versed with hypnobabies that she actually helped me use it, remain comfortable, and helped deliver my baby into this world. and i know i couldn't have done it naturally without using my hypnobabies techniques and am astonished at how women give birth without it.

i wish more women trusted themselves and their bodies to be able to deliver babies the way they were designed to do. there is so much information out there to help educate us on what we feel may be the best way for us. it hurts my heart that more women don't do this. they do what i did the first time, show up at their doctors office and let him and others make their birthing decisions for them. i tried that. i didn't get very good results. sure, me and my baby are alive and well after my first experience, but it could've been so much better... so much more fulfilling, rewarding, natural, and safe. but we've all got to learn from our mistakes and i think i have pretty much redeemed myself from my first delivery. 

i firmly believe in a woman's right to choose the best way for her to give birth, and i don't believe in judging other people's decisions on what is best for them, whether that decision be home birth, medicated birth, or cesarean. for me, a natural birth with a midwife (and hypnobabies!) in a hospital's birthing center was the way to go, and i cannot recommend it enough. if anyone has any questions about any aspect of this story, feel free to ask away. i seriously love talking about it and would be more than happy to discuss any of this.  and now, just a few more photos for good measure: