you are contemplating trading your car in for something better suited to a family of 5, maybe something with 4WD since this has been a terribly snowy winter (that won't end) and you think you're going to die everytime you have to drive in it. but how do you choose what to do? whats the best move here? you don't know, but it fills up an incredible amount of your brain space.
there are clothes (piles and piles of clothes) that seem to keep piling up despite your husband doing his best to chip in with the housework in between him working full time and running your eldest to his various sporting events. and when he does help, you appreciate it but don't neglect to inform him of his putting dishes away in the wrong spot and putting the wrong socks in the boys' drawers.
your kids fell asleep tonight on a urine-soaked mattress because someone had an accident (thankfully a rare accident) waking up that morning and you didn't have time to change the sheets before running out of the house in the morning (and still were late to class).
your little man didn't want to be dropped off at wee care, resulting in a 20 minute delay. he was equally uncooperative later when you picked him up, throwing a fit you wouldn't give him a THIRD lollipop at the car wash (naturally). and then there was hell to pay when you thought it'd be fun to watch ezra's wrestling practice together as a family, til the little one had a meltdown that he couldn't watch a youtube video of people playing super mario 3d world (due to bad reception), sending you back into the (painful) cold and on your way home.
you have to visit the mailbox twice because you had so much mail piled up you didn't realize you'd brought home a lockbox key for a package of yours. you get home and realize you forgot to send box tops for a dress down day for your kindergartener and break down even though he tells you "its okay, mom. i like wearing my regular school clothes, too". hashtag heart melt.
its cold cereal, grilled cheese and top ramen on the menu tonight because obviously you didn't plan a dinner and are in a real need of groceries.
your husband gets the kids ready for bed while you work away on your laptop. you feel pangs of guilt for not chipping in, hoping all of their little teeth got thoroughly brushed and that them falling asleep after using the iPad will not permanently damage their souls. you feel a little bad for somewhat ignoring them while you were in the middle of writing an email but hope they fell asleep knowing you love them.
you stay up until 11:30 working then finally got ready for bed, glancing at your gums and get the feeling that your surgery didn't work as well as you'd hoped it would and feel the weight of that disappointment (and major inconvenience) already pressing on your shoulders.
you crawl into bed next to your sleeping husband, notice the blinds aren't tightly shut (UGH) but are too tired to get up and remedy that. you lay awake at midnight typing into your phone trying to sort through the thoughts in your head, while trying not to cough so much you pull a muscle in your abdomen. turns out pity parties are kinda fun if you pretend they're about someone else.
and at the end of all of it, you think: THIS is why your husband bought you that book called "the happiness advantage" (which you never read) and always (jokingly, or maybe halfheartedly) encourages you to list 5 things you're grateful for.
maybe i'll get around to that tomorrow.
but i am grateful. for all of it. sometimes you just have those days that really wear ya down and think of how comically tiring it all was. that was today. i'm so thankful i can go to school and for the degree i am so close to earning, but i will be so thankful when its done. its just too much.
but hey, you can do anything for 4 (now 3!) months, right?
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