three years // three months

i need to write more. for the sake of my bad memory and wanting to be able to tell my boys about them when they were littles. so here is my attempt to recall every important thing about how they are right here and now... my three year old ezra and my three month old colter. here we go.

EATING
ezra: he is your typical three-year-old eater. maybe even your cliche three-year-old eater. "ez, what do you want for breakfast?" will give me a few answers. "waggles (waffles), oot oops (froot loops), jackson holes (apple jacks, lol) gonuts (donuts), or if he doesn't know the name of the cereal, he just points and says huh one (that one)." occasionally he will make a request for last night's leftovers "me-nen-i (spaghetti)". or if he's feeling saucy he'll ask for something ridiculous like "eyekeem (ice cream), pockawolls (popsicles), or "canny (candy)." he likes  to have cereals that he can put sugar on. i set this bad example for him, by sprinkling a little sugar on each bite of cheerios or grape nuts. he always insists on doing it himself ("wet me doo eeet!") and once i've given him the sugar shaker, he eyes me suspiciously while i walk away,  hoping i won't watch him because i always tell him not to put so much sugar on.

 for lunch he's usually cool with "mackeenoni" (macaroni & cheese), "chicky nuggets" (chicken nuggets), or whatever else i can convince him to eat. he has been eating all of his meals at the dining table with the iPad on Netflix (which, by the way, is an improvement from where he'd usually eat: my couch, while watching the "big teewee").  he likes to snack on pretzels, carrots, gawbries (strawberries), apples, oranges, etc. its funny he is still at the age where i ask him "do you want to go to mcdonalds or just eat something here?" and he is always cool to eat at home. i'll enjoy it while it lasts.

colter: feeding colter has been so much more rewarding than i had anticipated. i never thought i would like breastfeeding as much as i do. i always had the impression that it was painful and miserable but i decided i wanted to really try with colter and i've been amazed that i have fed this little baby for three whole months with nothing but my own body. i've been blessed to be able to do this and i'm so grateful. it isn't always easy though, especially when i have to be away from him to do photography or when i want to be away from him to have a date with my husband. pumping is an option but i really don't like doing it and he really doesn't like drinking from a bottle. but sometimes it is necessary, thankfully that isn't often. and in three more months he will be old enough to eat some solid foods and that should help for the times i can't be there. 

but for now, things are going really well. he still eats about every two hours during the day, though his feedings are usually pretty short and only on one side. i've even started being able to feed him while wearing him in my wrap and i can just walk around while he's eating and that has been nice. i love looking down at him while he eats, i love seeing his drowsy face as he groggily drinks in the milk. i especially love looking at  his feet, it just reminds me of how tiny he is and it just makes me smile. i love the connection it gives us. i think it is funny when i'm nursing him and i have justin give me a drink or feed me food. justin feeds me, i feed colter. kinda works out. :) i'm not really scared to nurse in public like i was at first. i don't bother with those nursing covers. i tried, but they are such a pain and i usually end up throwing it off of me in frustration. we nurse a lot in the car. i try to feed him before we go anywhere but if he is acting hungry i just feed him in the car if i can. i'm not too worried about people seeing me. i'm just trying to feed my kid, you know? and sure i might drape a blanket over us and sometimes i might not, it just depends. but i've learned to not worry about it too much and it makes me more relaxed which is good for me and for baby. 

SLEEPING
ezra: ezra has never required much sleep. unfortunately. haha. i don't even remember the last time he took regular naps. usually now he will wake up around 7-9 am depending on how late he stayed up, not nap all day, and go to bed between 8-10 pm. if he does happen to take a nap it is usually falling asleep in the car around 4 pm and then he is up forever. literally. since colter was born, i knew it was time for ez to start falling asleep in his own bed so we established something of a routine. he'll get his jammies on (if we're lucky), he'll brush his teeth (if we're lucky), and either me or justin (usually justin) will read him books in his bed and then lay by him until he falls asleep. it has been a good opportunity for us to have some one on one time with him, without other distractions. once he falls asleep, we sneak out of the room. some nights he wakes up and comes in our bed, some nights he wakes up and justin sleeps with him in his bed (its a queen), and some nights he doesn't wake until morning. so things are working out pretty well in the sleep department.
colter: colter is the lightest sleeper i've ever seen. even now, typing this, he is sleeping in my arms. if there is ever a slight pause before i continue typing, he jumps and flails his arms without fail. at his blessing day, jamie was holding him and someone came and kissed his head and he jumped a mile. needless to say, this makes sleep time very difficult. some days he will be content in his wrap and will just fall asleep at some point while i'm going about my business, and he sleeps the most soundly in his wrap because of the constant movement he experiences. but lately he won't fall asleep until he is nursing, at which point it is impossible to put him in the wrap and keep him asleep so its usually a ten minute ordeal to lay him down in his bouncer, wrapped in a blanket, with another blanket covering him, in the bathroom, with the fan on to drown out the noise. if i do manage to transfer him successfully from arms to bouncer, it usually only lasts for an hour at the most. usually its more like a half hour. sometimes i feed him, he falls asleep, and i opt to hold him for his nap. those times are something i love and cherish and should probably do more often, but i als0 have a three year old to tend to and a house to clean. so i don't do that a lot. although yesterday i was at ikea and he was in the wrap. he needed to nurse so i nursed him in the wrap and never took him out. he slept verrrry soundly at ikea.

night time is usually pretty good for us. he tends to be fussy at night (though it was very intense the first few weeks, where he would just cry unceasingly) it is now usually remedied by nursing. a lot of nursing. nursing to the point where i sometimes cry out "i'm empty! you're done!!". but usually if he does get to nurse a lot before bedtime it means he wakes up to feed less during the night. but alas, this section is about sleep. he sleeps cuddled up next to me every night and i love it. he used to sleep on my chest until he got too big, which was pretty fast. so now we just sleep cuddled up. i just arrange him so he isn't close to my pillow or the edge of the bed. sometimes i sleep with my arm under his neck so i know he won't roll anywhere (though he isn't much of a roller yet). he has never slept anywhere but right with justin or i and i love that. i know its not for everybody, but i couldn't imagine putting him anywhere else. i am a huge fan of cosleeping and i'm not ashamed to admit it. when he wakes up to feed, he needn't do more than a little squirming before i know that he is waking up to eat. i put him on my breast, he eats, we fall back to sleep. its pretty simple and ensures we all get a good night's sleep. some nights he does wake up every two hours it seems and those nights are terrible. but a lot of nights he will sleep for 4-5 hours at a time and those nights are heavenly. 

MANNERISMS
ezra: if i had to describe ezra in one word it would be "sweet". and that is also how most people who know him describe him. its always "he's so sweet, lyss" and then they proceed to tell me the sweet thing he did. i have endless stories about his sweetness. 
story #1: one day we were visiting my mom at work. she has a potted plant by her desk and ezra asked her about it. she told him she got it from my grandma clegg when my grandpa schroeppel died. ezra got a concerned look on his face. he asked "him home now?" my mom thought it was so sweet he said that and she laughed and said "yeah, he's home now!" and ezra stood up, clapping, and yelling "yay!!!"
story #2:  ezra had been inside going crazy all day while i got stuff done around the house. it was finally the afternoon and i knew he deserved to finally go outside and play. we went to our favorite park, neptune park, and we started at the basketball court. he played for a few minutes before we headed over to the playground. it was getting pretty windy and we had only been at the playground for a minute when the wind really picked up and colter got upset. i told ez "i'm sorry ez, its too windy for colter. he can't breathe." ezra walked me over to the pavilion and looked up at me like "is this better?" and colter cried on. i told ez i was sorry but that didn't help. he said "okay mom, wet (let's) go. coco can't bweathe." and he picked up his toy backhoe and headed for the car. i was amazed at the sympathy this three year old had for his little brother, just when he got to the park after a long day of being inside and he was ready to go on home so his little brother would be OK.
 
colter: my cocobay is such a sweet little smiler. sometimes i will be changing his diaper and not paying attention to him or doing something else and not paying attention to him and he will catch my eye and when our eyes lock he gives me the biggest smile. it melts my heart. i love seeing him flash his little dimple and gummy smile at me, it always makes my day. and did i mention that he is a light sleeper? i think i've mentioned that like a thousand times. or at least i've thought it a thousand times. but i still love him! and that is a true mother's love. :)

 
FAVORITE things
ezra: ezra is still a sporty boy, through and through. honestly, it wouldn't bother me if he wanted to play with ponies and dolls but he just loves all things BOY. he still loves basketball, though he doesn't play it as obsessively as he did when he was younger. (yes, i'm talking about when my three year old was younger). he has branched out into other sports, too. lately we've been going outside daily so i can pitch him balls. he hits it really far if i can pitch it to him right, and when he doesn't it the ball or it doesn't go very far he says "oh, bad pitch." i'm like, "thanks ez." he likes to "play" soccer... or at least thinks he is playing soccer. 

he still likes to watch curious george although he has also been watching the land before time II on netflix and i finally showed him the movie Cars and he seems to like that one as well. since its been so warm outside lately we go to the pool almost everyday and he likes to bee bop around the kiddie pool which is actually the hot tub that feels more like a hot bath, not super hot. which is good for me since the regular pool is 3 feet deep and ez has to be able to stand up or have someone carry him around. he's not one much for floating on his own with any type of floatation device. 

ezra still loves to be read books. he has memorized his "dinosaur dig" book. he doesn't play with toys a whole lot. he likes to get toys OUT but doesn't really play with them much. he likes the toy t-rex he stole from my mom's. he sometimes plays with cars. and marbles. the occasional dart gun. you know, boy stuff. (although he doesn't enjoy electronics as much as he used to, much to the dismay of justin and i. "why can't you just sit there and play on the ipad for five minutes?!")
   
colter: colter, if you're reading this someday, don't feel bad that i have so much to write about for ezra, especially in this category. you're only three months old, after all! you are my world but you're still figuring out your world. you loooove being held facing out, you fall asleep when i wear you facing in (which you're doing now and have been doing for the last hour, and snoring), you will occasionally be put down in a bouncer chair or under a "toy arch", (i don't know how else to explain it) and you're usually fine in those if i don't leave you for too long. you're really starting to look at things more intensely. your eyes will get really wide and you will just be so focused, its darling. there's not a better feeling in this world than when you hear my voice and you turn your whole head to try to look at me and when you see me your face lights up with the sweetest smile. you like to lean forward when you're sitting (your dad particularly complains about this, don't worry, he still loves you), and when there is something you are unhappy about, you are NOT shy about making it known... immediately, and LOUDLY. but hey, it gets results so....
  

OTHER awesomeness
ezra: i just keep thinking about all the funny things ezra has been saying lately. if we go somewhere fun (trafalga, arctic circle, the park) as we are leaving ezra always says "wat was wun mom, eeh who!" (translation: that was fun mom, thank you!) and it always makes me happy that i took him. 

lately he has been telling me to "CALM DOWN" like eighty times per day. "hey ez, can you stop jumping by colter's head please?" "OK mom CALM DOWN!". thanks to justin for teaching by example on that one, always telling me to calm down. 

another fun one is ezra will say "i just kiddin" whenever he does something unpleasing. he pees on the carpet. "ez, why did you pee on the carpet?" and he'll say "wowwy mom, i just kiddin." ummm okay. 

he always negotiates with me now. "come on ez its time to leave." "okay, wet me do ONE MO' TIME." and he looks at me very seriously and usually holds up a number of fingers and thirty times later, we leave. 

ez calls colter "coco" or "cocobay". coco because he can't pronounce colter. and bay because colter was named after colter bay in the teton national park. (we go there every year with justin's family).

i love how simple and sweet his thoughts are sometimes. one day he was telling me he wanted to "go airpwane, hee wow" (go on an airplane to see val) and i told him we didn't have any money to go. he found a quarter and said "mom!!! we had money! we go hee WOW!!!" so cute. i wish a quarter would get me to florida.

he loves his daddy, and they have such a close relationship. when i tell ez that daddy is home, he always likes to run and hide somewhere and wait until justin finds him. in the mornings, justin is usually the one to get ezra set up with breakfast before he goes to work, and if he tries to leave without giving ez a kiss, ez will tell him he needs a kiss. they are so sweet together, justin is the best dad.
 
colter: i think i have said pretty much everything that can be said about a person who has only been alive for three months. but he is definitely a unique individual, there are some things about him that is just colter. have i mentioned how he hates his car seat? 7 times out of 10 he begins screaming the second i set him in his car seat even if he has just been fed, diaper changed, and played with. and he usually doesn't stop crying once he has started unless i'm driving to salt lake and he cries himself to sleep. it breaks my heart and i try not to go far when its just me, ez, and colter. if justin with us i can usually sit in the backseat and hold his hands, sing songs to him, play pat-a-cake, or breastfeed if i need to, though it absolutely sucks to try to nurse a baby reclined in a car seat in a car while someone is driving. i frankly don't have the bra size for that. or physical stamina. but that's beside the point, sometimes its necessary and sometimes it works. ezra used to LOVE sleeping in the car in his car seat. not sure what colter's beef is. though i will say, no dumb old car seat could possibly compare with his soft, moving, loving mama right? :) another funny thing about colter, he never pees when he's naked. its probably only happened three times his entire life. he also loves to poop while he's eating. too much information?

i love my sons. i am so blessed to be their mother. the other day i just burst into tears while holding cocobay because he's just getting so big so fast and its killing me. i will just miss these hard, awesome times while they are young and need me so much. they won't need me way sooner than i will be ready for them to not need me. so for now i will not despair when nothing gets done around the house because colter won't sleep and ez won't slow down. 

these are happy, happy times.