so yesterday i kind of had a small meltdown.
i think that i was just feeling a bit weird because i am not going to school this semester.
and most of my friends are.
and i got a bit jealous.
its weird how even when you're really happy you want something else.
it doesn't make much sense to me because i love being a mom. i love ezra. and it has been nice staying at home most days taking care of the house & taking care of ezra.
but we have been sick this week (me mostly) so ezra hasn't been as easy to please as he normally is.
and it has been tough.
and justin has been working about 50 hrs/week at UTA in Salt Lake.
so it takes him a lot longer to get home than usual, and by 5 pm i'm spent.
(well usually by about 4 pm i'm spent but i just tell myself "one more hour!")
so i just need to find something to do for myself.
i think the best thing for stay at home moms is "play groups".
even if its not all play all the time. you could start out at one mom's house & help her do some housework while the kids play or join in helping, then move to the next house. that way you get stuff done without trying to entertain your kids while you do it and going crazy never being around any adults. i think this is a stellar idea but unfortunately i don't really have anybody to do that with... (seeing as how most of my friends are single & going to college...)
i think that is the hardest part about being a mom & wife at age 20. personally, i love it. and it is perfect for me, and it is what i chose to do. but it would be a whole lot easier if i had people i can relate to & be with. my sister valerie would be a prime candidate but unfortunately she lives 10 hours away. so... not much cleaning would get done if we tried to do the play group thing.
i'm sure that if i was taking a class or something it would help immensely.
but someone couldn't figure out her financial aid in time.... hehe
so that will have to wait until next semester.
until then maybe i could work a few days at someplace other than clegg steel?
(don't get me wrong, it has been such a great job. but i feel like i would be happier in a job where i worked with other people so i felt like i branched out further than my immediate family.)
justin suggests supersonic. but i really don't like trying to sell (which i would have to do as a cashier...) but maybe ticket writing would be cool or... working in full service again? do i dare?
anyway, lots has been on my mind. and i'm thankful justin sticks by me through my craziness. and i'm thankful ezra is napping right now! oh, its wonderful.
{and i looove my shoes. how could this not cheer someone up?}
and you're wonderful! happy weekend!
6 comments:
Oh Lyssa. Every mother out there feels and shares your pain. It is a constant tug of war. Yet we love and seek it. Being a mom is amazing but we still need a life...right? You can come over to my house any time and I will gladly hold Ezra for a while!! He is adorable.
lyss! thanks for the post. I fully expect to feel that sometimes too. I'm sorry you're having a bit of a hard time w/ school and stuff...but we'll totally babysit for you whenever we can! :) and next semester I'll be free and we can have a play group and I'll just watch your kid (though, who knows? it may be time...)
anyway, I love you. can't wait to see you! birthday lunch yes! right in the middle-ish!
True true. We have and will feel the same way at one point or another. Try and get to know other young moms in the ward? I wish I could be there, I would have play group with you every day!
As far as working somewhere else, I don't think any relationships are better than with family. I would have stayed at Clegg Steel forever if I could but if it is not making you happy then move on. However, Supersonic is not the best place to meet and chat with new people....you know you have worked there before. I would try something totally different.
Bottom line though....you do what makes you happy! I love you!
Thanks for all your support! You guys rock. He he.
Val, its not that clegg steel isn't making me happy or that I am just dying to leave. I just think with supersonic it would more be about me feeling more productive & part of the world even if its just through talking to customers & such. I'm not like looking to become good friends with anybody (if that were the case I wouldn't start my search there). I really can't think of any other place though. Ha ha suggestions? I just wanna work like 2 days a week. But this is all just in my head, I'm not planning anything yet.
Lyssa Loo! I would gladly trade you a few days... you go to school for me & i'll stay with Ez ;)
but you could still enroll in one class if you wanted and do your fafsa this weekend... honestly i'm just barely submitting mine and if you set up a payment plan then it won't matter how long it takes for your fafsa to process.
but if a job is the way you want to go for now then I agree with Val... I think you should do something totally different than supersonic. Maybe i'm just saying that cause I have worked there more recently than you and i'm hoping to find something else haha but I bet you could find a fun social job just a few days a week somewhere else. What about waitressing? I'll let you know if I think of anything else.
And are thursdays going to work for project runway still? because I would love to start getting together weekly again :)
oh lyss, i love you. if i had a child i would SO do the play date thing. and i wish i didn't have to work and go to school so that i could just play with you even though i DONT have a child...yet. ha but anyways, seriously just do what would make you happiest! i've kinda been going through something similar, just trying to figure out what would be best all around and stuff with my current situation...even though i had the amazing job opportunity to be in my industry, i have chosen to stay at my old job because it makes me happy with the people i work with and it's just a better situation right now. it was hard and i had to take a leap of faith but now i feel much better. anyways i hope you figure it out and please let me know if there is anything i can do to help you!! love you dearly. lets make dresses this week yeah? i only work one day!! let's play. for sure.
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